i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
