his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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