I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Randomize
