omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
babies were throwing up all over the place
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
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