yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
