i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
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