How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
Ketchup is God's man juice
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
