party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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