Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Randomize
