she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
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i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
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Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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