omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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