I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
