He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Randomize
