he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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