Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
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