I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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