She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Randomize
