She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
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