someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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