Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize