Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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