i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
