Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
