I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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