i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Randomize
