omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
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My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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