I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
