You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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