im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
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At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
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I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
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