I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Randomize
