I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
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