the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
