new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
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