I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Your penis caused this!
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
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