If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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