This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
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