if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
