i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
