We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Randomize
