it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
