who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
