I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
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Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
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Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
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