I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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