Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
two words...techno handjob
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
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