I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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