Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Sober January is a disaster.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Randomize