I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
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Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
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We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
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