All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
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