i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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