So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Randomize
