MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
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