My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
