wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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