just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
