don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
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