You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Dick very happy bro
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Randomize
