One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
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