the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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