so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
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