Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I puked a lego.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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