i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Randomize
