i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
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