I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
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