my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Randomize
